Interrupting Patterns
I could hear him coming down the stairs…
My irritation stirred…
I was going to be interrupted… AGAIN.
I know interruptions are part of being a parent.
And I know interruptions are especially guaranteed as part of pandemic life, when we’re lucky enough to all be under the same roof all day.
But I’m also an introvert, and pretty sensitive, so interruptions tend to be especially disruptive to my train of thought, my nervous system, and my mood.
They are a big “button” for me, something that almost instantly sets me off.
I mean, “interruption” has “eruption” practically right in the name, so…
But I didn’t want to erupt this time. I was in the kitchen, reading something to my husband as we shared a moment before he needed to return to work.
I just wanted to finish my sentence, but we could hear our 6 year old son heading down from upstairs.
Based on most interactions with him, chances were good that he would walk into the room and just start speaking, no matter who else was already in conversation.
But, as I said, I didn’t want that to happen this time. My son doesn’t deserve to pay the price for my own nervous system sensitivity or short temper.
In that split second moment, as he neared the kitchen doorway, I decided to use one of the Nurtured Heart Approach® recognition techniques that I learned from (NHA creator) Howard Glasser years ago.
I paused what I was saying (when I interrupt myself, it doesn’t feel as disruptive to me), and enthusiastically exclaimed:
“Bud, THANK YOU so much for not interrupting me when you walked in here and saw me talking to Daddy! That was so respectful of you!”
No sarcasm. No snark. No faking.
Because the truth was that he *hadn’t* interrupted yet, however likely it was to happen soon.
And the truth was that I WAS thankful for that!
My son looked at me, gave a little nod and a small smile, and proceeded to walk the rest of the way through the kitchen, not saying a word.
I had “hijacked” my son into success, in Glasser’s words. I aimed to create a moment in which he couldn’t help but demonstrate a quality or qualities we want to cultivate in him.
In this case, my son in that quick moment showed that he can adapt, wait his turn, show self-control & restraint, tolerate frustration, be patient, and grow in maturity.
Another key component? Us celebrating this out loud, rather than admiring all these qualities in silence.
As our son trotted through the kitchen and occupied himself with Legos, my husband quietly turned to me and said, “Whoa. That was amazing, well done!”
My husband knew how this could have gone, how easily it would have been to fall into our usual dynamic of interruption-annoyance-outburst.
And he refused to admire my decision in silence, as well!
This whole interaction yesterday took probably 20 seconds at most. But for the entire next day, my son interrupted me WAY less than he normally would.
The Nurtured Heart Approach can have beautiful impact in quick moments, while also powerfully shaping and shifting the “long game” of a home’s (or classroom’s) climate.
And I think so many of us yearn for shifts like this that really last. To go from interruptions to “inner eruptions” (or “in-eruptions”... or “inner options”!) of the beautiful character qualities of greatness that we hope to grow in ourselves and the children in our lives.
If you’d like to know more, I’d love to help— please don’t hesitate to reach out!
Unpublished Work © 2020
Leah F. Marcus, MA
[Originally posted HERE]
